The Road to Emotional Recovery Are you a woman in an Abusive relationship? Do you find your friends and family turning a blind eye when you repeatedly cry out for help? Do you feel alone and unable to change your present circumstance?
Deanna Gloyd, Spiritual Response Technique practitioner (9 years), shares her insight and technique for healing from her own personal journey in discovery, acceptance, and healing. Deanna is also a public speaker, spiritual mentor, teacher, and published writer in Loveland, Colorado.
A brief chat with Deanna Gloyd,
By Anna D. Banks, MAS, GCDF
Living Fully After 40 Radio Host
Anna: Deanna, October 2010 is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One area where abuse is most prevalent against women is the emotional/psychological abuse, especially as it pertains to finances/career/business. How does a woman recognize that she is being emotionally or psychologically abused? At home, in the work place, or in commerce?
Deanna: The emotional / psychological abuse is a huge and silent epidemic. The biggest obstacle is that other women unwittingly help to cover up the abuse and carry on the tradition of keeping your mouth shut. When women go to other women for help they often hear the platitudes that were handed down through the generations. No thought or consideration seems to be given for her feelings or what danger she might be in. I see it as a kind of slavery.
Intelligent women can fall victim to this kind of abuse when they choose to stay at home and raise the children and allow the man to keep working. Sometimes this tips the emotional balance in the relationship. If she begins to incur abuse she will often tolerate it for the sake of the children. She stays because she thinks that she must sacrifice herself so that children can have a certain standard of living, or she feels that even if she re-enters the work force she will be unable to provide for her children.
The man will often feed into this fear by telling her she is stupid. Sometimes it is not blatant, but implied. At every turn he will undermine her feelings of self worth, self value, and self love. At first she thinks she can withstand the abuse, but later finds that she has been worn down into believing she is worth nothing.
I find that a large portion of my clients are in this category. They are generally 35 to 50 years of age. Sometimes the children have gone and they are ready to depart, but finds that he has locked up everything in the way of finances and she is out in the cold. She has also been led to believe that she is worth nothing, and has not put saved or invested any money for herself during the time of the relationship. If she does return to the work force, at this point, she will often find a boss that will replace the role of her husband.
Anna: Deanna, how you are able to assist women in making a commitment to a life that works?
Deanna: There are three things that make a successful person (or allow you to make a commitment to a life that works).
1. Know-how. You must have the knowledge of how to accomplish what you want to change, or where you want to be, and how to apply that knowledge in your life. A step by step process as it pertains to your life.
2. Clarity. Being clear on your direction and having the support to stay the course no matter how stormy it might become.
3. Spiritual Alignment. The Canonized Version of King James Bible tells us to ‘Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and you shall find’. There is an inner knowing that goes on when we are aligned to Spirit (God). Many who have suffered abuse feel cut off from Spirit, as if they are somehow being punished. Some religions teach that self flagellation draws us closer to Spirit through suffering. The truth is that at the end of the day you are exhausted, bruised, and not any closer to Spirit.
So the first step toward spiritual alignment is to access where the client currently is. How do they view their relationship with God, their Mother, and their Father? All faiths are respected in this process. (I have a religious studies background that allow for understanding).
I work with Spirit to identify the energies the client is holding and ask them to be cleared. This allows the client to easily step into a relationship of empowerment with themselves and Spirit. Many I have worked with have said they seem marketable changes in their lives – both at home and at work. Some clients have asked for the energies to be cleared, seen the opportunity to move forward, and have chosen not to. They often complain and return to have the energies cleared again.
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